[ He is sorry. But he smiles at David, grateful for his understanding and forgiveness. At least that's one less obstacle for them to navigate.
When David asks if he was disappointed, though, it's Patrick's turn to stare at him like he's nuts. ]
Disappointed?
[ He shakes his head, fingers twining with David's, never breaking eye contact. ]
No. Absolutely not. I want to share everything with you, David.
[ And that's one hundred percent true, as far as their sex life goes. Even as he says it, though, Patrick can feel himself hesitating. He's mostly gotten used to the empathy bond, to the feeling of sharing literally everything with David, of having a front-row, right-in-the-splash-zone seat to every one of David's soaring emotional highs and crushing lows, his panic attacks and fits of insecurity - and of David having access to every one of Patrick's stray feelings, even the ones that might inadvertently hurt him, that Patrick, under normal circumstances, would absolutely have hidden away, if only to protect David from making mountains out of molehills and spiralling unnecessarily. He's learned to deal with it. They both have, and the most part, it's been fine. Even good, more often than not.
But does he want that? If he had a choice, would he choose to share...everything?
Case in point, the whole confusing swirl of emotions passes through the bond, and Patrick meets David's eyes, embarrassed and ashamed. He hates not feeling like he's all in on their relationship. Hates giving David even the slightest opening to convince himself that he's somehow...too much for Patrick. Hates giving him a reason to doubt.
He squeezes David's hands, and tries again. More specific this time. Something David will be able to tell he absolutely means. ]
I would never want to do it again, unless you were there with me.
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When David asks if he was disappointed, though, it's Patrick's turn to stare at him like he's nuts. ]
Disappointed?
[ He shakes his head, fingers twining with David's, never breaking eye contact. ]
No. Absolutely not. I want to share everything with you, David.
[ And that's one hundred percent true, as far as their sex life goes. Even as he says it, though, Patrick can feel himself hesitating. He's mostly gotten used to the empathy bond, to the feeling of sharing literally everything with David, of having a front-row, right-in-the-splash-zone seat to every one of David's soaring emotional highs and crushing lows, his panic attacks and fits of insecurity - and of David having access to every one of Patrick's stray feelings, even the ones that might inadvertently hurt him, that Patrick, under normal circumstances, would absolutely have hidden away, if only to protect David from making mountains out of molehills and spiralling unnecessarily. He's learned to deal with it. They both have, and the most part, it's been fine. Even good, more often than not.
But does he want that? If he had a choice, would he choose to share...everything?
Case in point, the whole confusing swirl of emotions passes through the bond, and Patrick meets David's eyes, embarrassed and ashamed. He hates not feeling like he's all in on their relationship. Hates giving David even the slightest opening to convince himself that he's somehow...too much for Patrick. Hates giving him a reason to doubt.
He squeezes David's hands, and tries again. More specific this time. Something David will be able to tell he absolutely means. ]
I would never want to do it again, unless you were there with me.
[ With Thor, or with anyone else. ]